The Philosophers' Song

The Philosophers' Song was a popular Monty Python song rendered in their stage shows ostensibly by a number of cod-Australian university lecturers. They were all called Bruce and taught at the University of Woolloomooloo. (Woolloomooloo is an inner suburb of Sydney, Australia. There is actually no university there, but there is one at Bruce, a suburb of Canberra.) Although the Bruces sketch previously appeared in the TV show Monty Python's Flying Circus. the song itself was original to the stage show.

The song's lyric makes a series of scurrilous allegations against a number of highly respected philosophers, usually with regard to their capacity or incapacity for imbibing intoxicating liquors.

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume

Both Schöpenhauer and Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel!

...and so on.

For a long time, opinion has been divided as to whether the 6th line is "Both Schöpenhauer and Hegel" or just "William Friedrich Hegel." It's probably been both at various times; it just depends on how many philosophers you want to make accusations about their capacity to handle alcohol.

See also : Monty Pythons Flying Circus, Bruces sketch