Pokey the Penguin

Pokey the Penguin is a surrealistic online comic strip, which ran from 1998 to 2003. The individual strips have little or no apparent logic on first glance, are filled with apparent corrections (crossed-out words, occasionally images scribbled over), and lack of evident punch lines. All the same, they exhibit the glimmerings of plots and strange connections between things. The dialogue—by contrast with the drawings—has a peculiarly knowing and subtle air about it, despite the fact that it is delivered entirely in italicized capitals with multiple exclamation marks. Pokey's fans persistently see it as a work of genius; in any case, "HERE ON RUM ISLAND WE DO NOT BELIEVE IN RUM!" and "IN MEAT-SPACE, EVERYONE IS YOUR FRIEND!!!" are unlikely to be the work of a four-year old. The comic is produced, intermittently, by Steve Havelka of Portland, Oregon who, for years, was only identified on the page as "The Authors."

Characters

The characters are as innumerable as the plots are inscrutable. The mainstays are:

• Pokey the Penguin
• Mr. Nutty, a British capitalistic alcoholic snowman
• A young female penguin, variously identified as "Small Child" or "Little Girl," who is apparently Pokey's sister
• Skeptopotamus, a skeptic who is apparently not related to the race "hippopotamus"
• Headcheese, a French-Canadian female penguin, with whom Pokey has some kind of love/hate relationship
• Gustavo, a potato chip whose long moustaches, named "Democracy" and "Stalin", can be moved individually like arms
• The devil (who looks like a red, horned penguin)
• A boxing glove (purportedly possessed by the devil)
• The Italians, who are Pokey's enemies because they want to steal his "arctic circle-candy"

Minor characters

Minor characters, who appear in only one or two comics, include:

• Rick Wallace
• Batman (looks exactly like Pokey)
• Superman (looks exactly like Pokey with a cape)
• Stephen Hawking (looks exactly like Pokey with a pointed wizard hat)
• Chicken Delicious (looks exactly like... oh, never mind)
• Chicken Adventurous
• Yekop and Mr. Yttun, from a parallel universe
• Bobdole
• Rip van Pokey
• Pokey Hood
• Edward the Confessor
• Pope John Paul II
• The Governor
• Santa Claus
• Robotic Wilford Brimley
• God

and many more...

The occasional "guest artists" were:

• The ghost of Claude Monet
• The town council of Hamburg, Germany
• The Communist nation of Laos
• William Gibson
• Mary Lou Retton

Quotes

"I am Pokey the Penguin. Will you be my friend?" "When we arrive in the land of riches, we will not need friends!" "Pokey, are you drunk on love?" "Yes. Also whiskey. But mostly love... and whiskey." "We will attack those three men!" "It is play!!!" "I told everyone we should have a witch-hunt, but they wanted to have a good old-fashioned book burning instead!" "It is revealed to me thusly: this is not Grandpa! This is Italian fake!" "I like to have fun adventures every day." "I am mastering the possibilities!" "Ziing! The extra 'i' means extra zing!" "Pokey does not like to run. Pokey prefers to sit. As though I am driving my own submarine." "If Democracy fails, you can count on Stalin!" "I fight for my breakfast!" "It is a good thing we escaped from the ozone layer!" "I have dominion over you! You are my slaves!" "Who are you friend? Why are you cutting my hair!!!" "Crud! Why do they always wake up?" "Hooray! I have Mega-Ultra Plus, for easier fun!" "Pokey, these are plums! I wanted oranges!" "That is the price of love."

"Chicago-style" is a term used in the strip meaning to do something without pants.